Last Updated on August 24, 2020 by Paula
How to Get Out of the Friend Zone
Friends are great…
That is, until the moment you want to be something more and take your relationship to the next level.
Then it becomes the pits.
An inescapable death trap known only as the Friend Zone.
Ask random friends about the Friend Zone, and metaphors break out like zits.
One would say it is like an endless ride in an elevator. You go up and down, but that’s it.
You are stuck there forever. One of your gamer friends would say it is like those impossible jumps in Super Mario – with the Friend Zone being that unsafe ledge you should never try to leave.
But my favorite point of comparison, spoken by a friend who’d been there (and been burned), says the friend zone is like being stuck in a quagmire (quicksand) . The more you try to get out of it, the more you’re stuck.
However different all these metaphors are, you may notice that they all agree on one thing. Getting out of the Friend Zone into the L Zone is hard. It is not safe to get out of the zone.<
Should you be brain-dead enough to attempt the big escape, try the following. There are no guarantees these would work. But then, hey, you may make it out alive on the other side.
Decide if it’s worth it.
Not to be all corny or anything, but friendship is a valuable thing. It is also spider-web sensitive. A wrong word here, a careless brush of a hand there, and holy geez, it is gone. Like it was never there at all. You’ll have to condition your mind for the worst. In changing the parameters of the friendship, you might very well end up breaking it. For.All.Time. If you are going to cross the line, you have to promise yourself that you’re not going to regret this.
Take advantage of your position.
Since you’re going to trash it anyway, you might as well squeeze every last drop of advantage out of the friendship-namely, your closeness. Being your crush’s friend give you insider’s knowledge on a ton of useful info: favorite color, pet peeves, ligaw- (courtship) style, musical preference, everyday goings-on, history with cockroaches…the list goes on and on. Think of the endless years of creepy stalking you just saved yourself. Plus, the fact that you’re his friend means you can actually get to talk to him once in a while!
Stop being subtle…
Guys are like black holes: they suck, and they’re made up of very dense matter. So dense, in fact, that just when you think you’re being obvious, you’ve just registered in their radar as subtle.
Parinig (indirect hints) and pa-cute (trying to be cute) won’t cut it. You have to go for broke and start singling him out for some very special attention. One of the most effective cues is to lightly touch his arm whenever you’re both laughing together (just don’t do this when he is saying a corny joke). Nothing makes a guy more hyper-aware than sudden contact. This is doubly effective if you’re not known as touchy type.
…but don’t come on too strong.
This is a friend we’re talking about. Not some guy you made eye contact with at a party. Your mutual pals will also have some strong opinions-mostly unhelpful. So, yeah, it is an indelicate mess that will require a delicate touch. Just think of it this way: Your friendship is like a China shop…and what you break is what you’re going to pay for. This might seem counter-intuitive to not be subtle, but hey…baby steps. Take it slow. Pull back every once in a while. Find the balance.
Don’t be afraid to make the first move.
Ultimately, though, the ball is in your court, and you’re the one who’s got to volley it out of the park. You have to be the one to take the lead! And if you end up broken-hearted anyway, well, at least you tried. So buck-up your courage and make the first move of asking him out…you know, just the two of you…without your close friends It could be a movie. It could be dinner. It could be the start of something great.