Getting Out of the Friend Zone: When You Are In Love With Your Friend

how to get out of the friend zone

How to Get Out of the Friend Zone

Friends are great…

That is, until the moment you want to be something more and take your relationship to the next level.

Then it becomes the pits.

An inescapable death trap known only as the Friend Zone.

Ask random friends about the Friend Zone, and metaphors break out like zits.

One would say it is like an endless ride in an elevator.  You go up and down, but that’s it.

You are stuck there forever.   One of your gamer friends would say it is like those impossible jumps in Super Mario – with the Friend Zone being that unsafe ledge you should never try to leave.

But my favorite point of comparison, spoken by a friend who’d been there (and been burned), says the friend zone is like being stuck in a quagmire (quicksand) .  The more you try to get out of it, the more you’re stuck.

However different all these metaphors are, you may  notice that they all agree on one thing.  Getting out of the Friend Zone into the L Zone is hard. It is not safe to get out of the zone.<

Should you be brain-dead enough to attempt the big escape, try the following. There are no guarantees these would work.  But then, hey, you may  make it out alive on the other side.

Decide if it’s worth it.

Not to be all corny or anything, but friendship is a valuable thing.  It is also spider-web sensitive.  A wrong word here,  a careless brush of a hand there, and holy geez, it is gone.  Like it was never there at all.  You’ll have to condition your mind for the worst.  In changing the parameters of the friendship, you might very well end up breaking it.  For.All.Time.  If you are going to cross the line, you have to promise yourself that you’re not going to regret this.

READ:  THINGS TO DO…WHEN YOU ARE “IN CRUSH”

Take advantage of your position.

Since you’re going to trash it anyway, you might as well squeeze every last drop of advantage out of the friendship-namely, your closeness.  Being your crush’s friend give you insider’s knowledge on a ton of useful info: favorite color, pet peeves, ligaw- (courtship) style, musical preference, everyday goings-on, history with cockroaches…the list goes on and on.  Think of the endless years of creepy stalking you just saved yourself.  Plus, the fact that you’re his friend means you can actually get to talk to him once in a while!

Stop being subtle…

Guys are like black holes: they suck, and they’re made up of very dense matter.  So dense, in fact, that just when you think you’re being obvious, you’ve just registered in their radar as subtle.

Parinig (indirect hints) and pa-cute  (trying to be cute) won’t cut it.  You have to go for broke and start singling him out for some very special attention.  One of the most effective cues is to lightly touch his arm whenever you’re both laughing together (just don’t do this when he is saying a corny joke).  Nothing makes a guy more hyper-aware than sudden contact.  This is doubly effective if you’re not known as touchy type.

…but don’t come on too strong.

This is a friend we’re talking about.  Not some guy you made eye contact with at a party.  Your mutual pals will also have some strong opinions-mostly unhelpful.  So, yeah, it is an indelicate mess that will require a delicate touch.  Just think of it this way:  Your friendship is like a China shop…and what you break is what you’re going to pay for.  This might seem counter-intuitive to  not be subtle, but hey…baby steps.  Take it slow.  Pull back every once in a while.  Find the balance.

Don’t be afraid to make the first move.

Ultimately, though, the ball is in your court, and you’re the one who’s got to volley it out of the park.  You have to be the one to take the lead! And if you end up broken-hearted anyway, well, at least you tried.  So buck-up your courage and make the first move of asking him out…you know, just the two of you…without your close friends  It could be a movie. It could be dinner.  It could be the start of something great.

READ:  How To Talk To Guys (When You Are Really Really Shy)

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21 Comments

  1. If it is like guy and girl friendship its kinda hard to keep that friend-zone mode, cause usually the guy fallen in-love with the girl or vice versa. This guidelines and tips is very helpful to those whose experiencing this kind of situation. Thanks for sharing Marie:)

  2. Thankfully, I did not find myself in a friend zone. Hehe!
    On a side note, I loved Paul Rudd in Clueless. So kakakilig! That's one of my fave movies.

  3. Nice tips, especially the balance between subtlety and coming on too strong, but GAAAAH CLUELESS!!! Hindi ako makafocus! This is, like, my ultimate favorite movie ever!!!

  4. Guy and girl hard to keep within friend zone esp if both are mutually attracted to each other.. however I do have some very good guy friends as we know our boundaries with each other. Great tips.

  5. I can relate. Daddy and I are best of friends before we go in a serious relationship. And I agree, first you need to weigh if it's worth it. There will have greater chance that the friendship will be ruined. And a possibility that the other one will not reciprocate the way you want. Be prepared for the pain and consequences.

    BUT I can say it's gonna be worth it =)

  6. You know, I actually think that the decision to get out the feelings in the open would largely depend on how deep the friendship is. For really good and mature friendships, I think that whatever "issues" there may be, like what Mommy Maye said as examples above, it becomes immaterial when friends can go beyond those and still remain friends, particularly when the feelings are not reciprocated.

  7. For me, I would think twice, kse hirap din to jump into relationships with good friends, though It's really good to start as good friends.

  8. if that will happen to me, and the feeling is so strong i will start the first move…i will probably tell him my feelings at least i've said it and probably i should be prepares for a negative reaction, hahaha

  9. Hindi ko pa rin ma-appreciate yung, 'hindi pwedeng maging tayo kasi sayang ang frienship' hehe. Diba BS yun? If you are obviously attracted to each other, and not do anything about it, wouldn't it ruin the friendship anyway? hehe. Pero i have no experience on this so what do i know? 🙂

  10. i think starting highschool ang daming ko na friendzone.. hehehe char!

    pag friendzone naalala ko si ramon bautista.. hehe

  11. Hahaha! Friend Zone! Perhaps at first it's a bit uneasy for good friends to be in a relationship. I remember me and my wife. Worst she calls me KUYA. hahaha!

  12. I think on the contrary, it would be good to fall in love sa friend mo, kasi mas kilala nyo na ang isat isa. But if in case, the other person doesn't have the same feeling…problema nga. But I guess mas madami yung friendships na nauuwi sa long lasting relationship.

  13. Some points you have raised, I can relate. I'd rather not explore further as I value my privacy.. and friendship. hehehe This is a good post.

  14. Yes tis true:…"Guys are like black holes: they suck, and they're made up of very dense matter."

    I like George Carlin's observation on the issue:

    “Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”

  15. Yes this is true, "Guys are like black holes: they suck, and they're made up of very dense matter."

    I like George Carlin's observation on the matter:

    “Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”

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